Any thoughts ... comments ... concerns ... excitement - please feel free to share. There is no 'right or wrong' ... and we are not trying to be negative. We just want to be open and honest ... and share from our hearts ... and have a forum for discussion.Here is a place for you to share your thoughts about __ & The __ venture ... and the search for __ and __ by Seniors ...
49 comments:
Hello Ladies
I hope this new format works! : )
I found an interesting online article about Richard and SB - that I wanted to pass on (you will have to copy & paste it into your browser and delete two spaces):
http://easyreader.hermosawave.net/
news2002/storypage.aspStoryID=2002
6426&IssuePath=news2005/0602/
Thought some of you would be interested - as it refers to a 'Reality Show' in the title - but then really says it isn't. Check it out!
Brenda
Click Girl
This new format rocks. It looks great, thanks! I google everything I can about RR...just doing my homework.
Thanks Brenda for the info... although, i don't know why i couldn't copy and paste the link. It just too me to the homepage and so i just searched for Senior Bachelor.
IMO,it's going to be a reality show. And i say why not if he finds someone who wouldn't mind doing so.
Just copied this from the article:
"But when pressed, he also says if it were to become a reality show, he wants to work outside the Hollywood studios...." so it sounds like Reality show is not a definite NO.
Suzanne Mesa Arizona
I just sent you an email with my fax#. Thanks :-)
So glad an Anon-- told me to go here. I still don't know how to get directly through to some of you even to your Blogs without going through Richard's sight. Any help is appreciated. Tonight I am going to work with pictures.
Mary Rose
minc6@cs.com
Ph:520 3990907
MARY R
make sure you add blogsites (particularly clickgirl and Canadian Bloggette)to your favorite. did that make sense? :-)I've added yours to mine.
Mary - I just checked out your blog site and love it! I absolutely LOVE the picture of you in the hat! You are so beautiful and RR would really be amiss if he didn't meet you. I'm assuming you sent in a video?? You can get into any of our blogs by first clicking on our name (in blue) on any blog site where we've posted. Then when you get there, just save the site under Favourites. Hope that helps.
Leslie in VanCan
Hi All
Suzanne - thanks for the reminder -and for offering to send the article to BDNC. I thought I had seen that article before - but couldn't remember where. When I saw your post - I remembered that you had mentioned it on SB site. It is interesting - isn't it!?!
BDNC - sorry you couldn't copy and paste. I had actually added two spaces in it - that would need to be closed up - once copied into the browser ... because when I copied it into the little Blog Box - it was cutting off some of the text. Anyway - hope you were able to get it from Suzanne. : )
Welcome Mary Rose. Glad to have you join us. Hope the other comments have helped - so that you can link directly to us. Will look to hear when your photos are posted. It's great to see the pics and learn more about everybody.
Claire - No problem! And yes - a Cruise with one man and lots of women - not appealing. : ) But I don't really think that was what RR was suggesting. That whole Cruise thing - on his site - has gone 'out of control'. Ha Ha Maybe he should have waited until he returned from this upcoming venture - to mention that. As if he didn't already have enough 'problems'. : )
Thanks to all - for posting! Don't forget that there are different topics - below this Blog - for sharing about other 'stuff'.
Warm regards,
Brenda
Click Girl
And now RR is asking for emails again ! Quotes and cruises -- come on! He doesn't have time for emails! Back to pinched nervedom! Let's hear more about the Search. How is he narrowing it down? How will he notify the "semifinalists?" How/when/where will they get to meet up? What kind of woman is he attracted to? WHy can't we get a straight answer but can go on and on about cruises and marginalization and full moons? Geez.
Thank you for your cyber ears.
Suzanne: LOVE what you're saying. I, too, gag every time I see "soft rain" blogs. Now I just simply scroll past and don't even bother reading them. GAG! GAG! GAG! Obviously, she has nothing original to say. Meouw....LOL
I've tried a few dating sites, too, but haven't met anyone I'd want to develop a relationship with. Tried eharmony - matched up with all Americans (no one close by) so no wonder they just "close" me off. Went out a couple of times with a really good looking guy who turned out to believe he was a "prophet" of some kind. Weird! Another one seemed really interested until I said "No" I didn't want to bike Vancouver Island with a backpack and set up a pup tent every night. There was one really nice man but no chemistry. That definitely has to be there. Don't worry, you're not the only one who hasn't had s_ _ for a very long time. :(
I'm doing my video tomorrow and will send it in with absolutely no expectations. What I AM looking forward to is meeting all you women and doing a cruise or trip of some kind. I'll meet Cheryl in September for a start.
I don't think RR is drop-dead gorgeous (I've been called that, though) but he is nice looking. If he were to choose me as one of the 6, I'd go for the experience of travel but if it didn't lead anywhere, at least I have all of you, right? I'd have to make mucho arrangements at school to be covered (and unpaid) if they even let me go. I might even have to give them one month's notice and quit. I'd do it! For a trip like that? I'd just get another job when I got back - thinking of quitting in a year or two anyway.
What's this about you moving? What's up girl? Where you going?
Thanks Brenda for this site so we can all vent.
always considered 'soft rain' to be more of a 'dense fog' :)
Here is my counsel about men...(and forgive my cynicism, but it's the truth I have culled). Don't believe anything for the first six months -- that seems to be how long the "charm" takes to wear off and the real guy to emerge. Wait for the first "fight" (disagreement), whatever, to see how the two of you resolve things (i.e. "fight fair").
Pay attention to what you are willing to live with. (Like Brenda's sister said) There will always be something. I call it the wall and it takes at least several months to see what that issue might be. When you meet that "wall", you can decide yes, I can live with this or "nope" its not worth negotiating this wall to continue exploring this relationship.
Like so many of you here I have some real ambivalence about compromising my independence and by golly, I have found, I really like waking up alone and owning my day....no doubt a reaction to the immense sacrifices of single parenting 4 kids for 14 years and never "owning" my days.
It will be a truly extraordinary man to woo me from this peaceful shore. I sometimes wonder if I want to be wooed. Then the ol' yin and yang gives a pull and I gather the courage to try again....
Thanks you kindly Klew and Suzanne of Mesa
I was just wondering if you can use "apt" as in "it's apt to"
ummm Yeah I think maybe, i am just running out of things to worry about *lol* Hey no dogs, daughter is away, no cat, no man to worry about. :-)
ps: and Suzanne, you are a hot babe!:-) steaming psssssssss
LADIES --Received this email from RR today !.....
Thanks for sending everything in. I have sent your tape to the Oprah producers for possible use in a follow-up segment for Senior Bachelor. If and when I hear something I'll be right back to you. For sure I will be in touch. Best wishes, Richard Roe...
-- is it the same one everyone got when they sent in stuff right after Oprah? For the record, RR received my materials July 5....
I'm sure me and 3000 other ladies got this....
Klew-- I thought I read that RR emailed everyone who contacted him after Oprah and told them they had 3 days to send things in and that's why everyone rushed. I didn't see the show -- a girlfriend told me to check out the website. I have been wondering why everybody rushed to get their stuff in !
But you are right! The ladies here are the greatest !
Hello Everyone!
It is so refreshing to hear other people who have the same thoughts and feelings that I have. It is very affirming. I love it!
Online Dating
Dancingirl – All cynicism is allowed! And … Suzanne … Hairy ears! Ha ha ha ha! I am cracking up! One of mine was a green polyester jacket. I just knew I couldn’t date a man who would wear that. : ) Long story!
When I first started doing the online dating, I was 48 … and I got so many responses that I couldn’t hardly keep up with all of them. It was almost like a dating ‘business’ to organize and keep up with all of the guys … and their stories … and ‘stuff’. I quickly realized that for every 50 guys there might be one that I would consider meeting. And, for some reason, all of the 30 year old guys just really thought they could offer me something great. I guess it was that ‘Mrs. Robinson’ fantasy. Of all of the men who contacted me, I probably only dated about a dozen – over a couple of years. Of those – there are only two that I still communicate with. One guy is now my Air Conditioning repair guy. The only other one – don’t laugh – is a UFOlogist. He has written several books and is an expert in the study of UFO’s. His mentor was Carl Sagan …who wrote the forward in one of his books. He is very smart … interesting … and we got along well ... but timing was weird. He moved away … and when he returned, I was right in the middle of all of my cancer stuff. He wanted to see me – but I needed to focus on me … and my healing … and couldn’t deal with the stress of a relationship. So … I pushed him away … again. At any rate – one guy … out of hundreds. That is sad, sad, sad. So … makes Richard look pretty good.
About RR
Thanks, Suzanne, for the clarification about the people being asked to send in videos so quickly – and that the people who did that would be on Oprah. I wasn’t aware of that – but now – that helps to explain a lot of other things. Maybe that is why ‘The Angry One’ – Stephenie – was so mad. I’d be very curious to know her story. I suspect that she is still posting – but watching more carefully what she writes … and not signing her name. Hmmmm. Anyway – no wonder so many people kept asking about the Oprah thing. Now I ‘get it’. And Dancingirl said she got an Email today – saying her stuff had been sent to Oprah. Veeeerrrry interesting. What if he only sends the stuff to Oprah – if he is interested! Wouldn’t that be cool?
Like most of you – I don’t think Richard is ‘drop dead gorgeous’ – but I do think he is attractive and fit. I normally don’t like much facial hair – but I don’t mind his - I still find him attractive. And he did say that he could go either way with it (which – I thought was awful considerate of him). But I think it is more his intellect, energy and love for travel that I find compelling. And he seems to have a good sense of humor. And he has such love for his kids – and they seem to truly love and respect him. Even though it took Chris going on the trip to appreciate that – the other two boys had a great bond with Richard. My biggest concern is his quickness to respond in an almost judgmental and arrogant way. Not crazy about that. And – as so many have mentioned – he seems to be very controlling. Could be a problem for me. : ) And – the more I think about it – the idea of being filmed – I don’t think I would like. I am very comfortable being behind the camera – but hate being in front of it. Plus – I would probably have a hard time not jumping in and ‘directing’ … since that is what I do for my life work.
But – I do think this whole venture can be good for all of us. Look at the ground swell that has happened – just with all of us getting to know each other and communicating. Someone on SB said something about the Blog going on long after RR’s trip … and I think it has that possibility. Even if we are not ‘chosen’ – we are part of ‘the movement’ … to shout out that, though we are mature, we are still young at heart.
I think it was Suzanne that was saying that whoever was chosen could wear their Email address on a t-shirt … and if things didn’t work out with Richard – thousands of other men would have the chance to see her. Well … that spurred an idea in me. Since there are only 6 to be chosen … out of thousands … there will be many not going on Richard’s trips. A while back, someone jokingly mentioned contacting Oprah – to see if she would send us on the Cruise. So – I was thinking of writing to her – and telling her about all of us … and letting her know that we wanted to do something together … so that we could meet face to face … us Senior Bachelorettes. And maybe she would want to feature all of us … when Richard goes on his trip. Whoever is chosen (and wouldn’t it be cool – if it was one of ‘our own’?) – we could go and cheer them ‘on their way’ (wearing our Email addresses on our shirts) … and then go on our Cruise. I can picture it now … all of us waving from the railing of the Cruise Ship … cameras catching the scene … and men all over the country seeing our email addresses on our shirts (great idea, Suzanne)! And – if Oprah did want to pay – we wouldn’t stop her. (Ha ha). Anyway – I think that could be fun … and I wouldn’t mind ‘group attention’. And it would be a great way to show the country – that there are a lot of great older women – who are not willing to ‘settle’ – who are out there … strong … and independent … and not desperate. But open to finding our soul mate as well. Would that be cool – or what? And gosh – all of you are so beautiful! Men would be ‘eating their hearts out’. : )
Ready for Love????
Maybe I should have written – ‘ready for a man’? Like so many of you have expressed, I am not absolutely sure about having someone in my life again. I was married for 13 years – and have been alone for over 20. For the past ten years – I have been an Empty Nester as well. And I have grown accustomed to being alone. I enjoy the solace. I enjoy coming home every night to my little ‘routine’. I love the freedom that I have.
Though there is a part of me that would love to have someone wrap their arms around me and hold me at night. And someone to have long talks with - discussing everything. And when I want to see scary movies – it wouldn’t be so bad to have someone to grab onto – during the scary scenes. : )
But I’m kind of like Openheart – just not sure I’m ready to let anyone in yet. My reasons are different. For me – it is more the physical thing. I had seven surgeries in a year and a half – and have scars from side to side – and other ‘stuff’. So … I just can’t imagine ever having a man see me. And I don’t even know how – or when – to begin a conversation to explain my situation to a man. It has kept me – for four and a half years – from letting anyone in. And I realize that it is me holding off – not them. But it is so scary to contemplate – that it is almost easier to be alone.
But I can see myself finding someone to travel the world with … and I guess that was my first attraction to Richard. I could easily take off – and go – and travel for months at a time. That would be my wildest dream. : )
Someone mentioned that they thought they could be a Hobo. I could be a Hobo. But I wouldn’t want to be a Hobo alone. : ) I was curious if anyone had checked out The Hobo guy – I think I first heard about him from SB. His Email is: http://www.hobotraveler.com/ I think his name is Andy – never shows his face … but has great photos. He travels very low budget – living in Hostels … and pretty rough. But kind of interesting.
Last bits
Welcome Zoe!
Leslie – so glad you got your video done! Good for you!!
BDNC – The Bloggers Advice! Loved it!!!! I knew – when I saw that the Thongs in the SB Shop were ‘Juniors’ – that I probably didn’t stand a chance. : )
About Dense Fog. Ha ha ha ha ha : ) You gals are just too, too funny.
That’s it for now. Sweet dreams!
Warm regards,
Brenda
Click Girl
Oh CJ - wish I had read your comments before I published my huge, way too long post! (I think I am going to win the record for the longest post - ha ha) - Sorry! : )
Anyway - I loved what you said - about if you found an extraordinary man - it would be worth giving up some of the freedoms. Maybe that is what RR has sparked in us - the possibility that there are some extraordinary men out there. : ) I hope.
Later ...
Brenda
Click Girl
CjinSocal -- you gorgeous girl -- how did you know what to wear on Oprah? How did the law boards go?
You go ahead and play the Voice of Reason. I have said before --if I can be shaken about my commitment to seeing this through, I shouldn't be going for it. Also I am very protective and strong about staying true to my inner core, my authentic self -- a result of being a single mom with 4 children since 1988 -- I have struggled long and hard and learned to stand up and live by what is important. My great kids stand as tribute to that conviction.
RR has a vision and now a forum to inspire something uplifting for many. He is an imperfect man going about it in imperfect ways, but his intent is good. I can go for that.
What is important? The meaning of Life as I understand it?....very simple. We are here to love and help each other.....There is something of that going on here, so I'm looking at it as good.
If at ANY time, I feel compromised by this venture, I will remove myself. I have left jobs and relationships to be true to that conviction. I am not so enamored with the money, travel, fame or RR, that I have lost (or am in need of) my sense of self!
We have been duly warned by you that we may be at risk for losing control over our lives. I am sorry to hear that your Oprah experience was so terrifying.
Clickgirl -- it matters not if your blog is long or reiterates or repeats what others say -- I am always glad to see your name on a post and read what you say.
Onward!
CJ - I for one really appreciate your comments regarding being prepared for "what if." I would be asking HIM to sign a pre-nup with regard to what we each have going into the marriage and a 50-50 split of any profits made as a couple. What my husband left me goes to my children and I would expect the same from him towards his own children. But if we ended up a couple, we share from there on. When my husband died, my lawyer advised me of all this for when the time came to start over. My Dad was/is a very controlling man and over the years I've learned how to deal with him. You listen, nod, smile, and then do what you want. LOL Not that I'm expecting to be "the one."
CJ -- wow, your lil mind spins a million miles an hour. There you were talking about kissing RR and now we're getting married to him. I need to meet the man !
I have to say I choose not to be fearful about any of this stuff. I trust in my good sense. I surrender to and pray for my Highest Good. I seek good counsel and do my homework and check my gut.
I listen to your words and story and the words and stories of those who have gone before me (a big help when giving birth, when parenting, when divorcing, when empty nesting and on and on).
I imagine how I want my story to happen and I prepare in all the ways I can figure. Hard things were not part of my imaginings, but they happen and I learn those lessons and do not let them defeat, embitter or harness me.
I was married to a wealthy man, but took very little when I divorced. Everyone thought i was nuts. That holds no allure for me. I want no part of RR's finances. I had no part of those earnings.
I think I would ask for some compensation for personal appearances or PR or whatever fall-out from SB happens and requires "work" of sorts.
If this is a true romance, I assume RR will want his lady to be happy and will not be unfair. It would be wise to get legal counsel to structure the " financial understanding", I'm sure. That's what my gut is telling me, but I don't see it as a struggle....just a way to be clear and take care of myself, as any strong, wise woman would.
I was married to a very controlling man and that's just what i did.. listen, nod, smile, and went ahead and did my thing. Well, most of the time, i wasn't even listening. And sometimes, i'd just speak in my own language and he didn't know what the 'hey' to do with that! He thought that because i am Asian/Oriental, i would just kiss his A** ... wrong!!!....LOL
I have not decided what to tell you about my online dating experiences yet. The good and the bad... I also had a stalker... few good men and desperados...yipes!
And OMG!...Cruises, t-shirts with email addresses and Oprah .... if everything goes thru.. it's enough to convince myself to wear a thong....hey! just kidding... a rectal floss as they call it, some like it, what can i say.
I guess they could try to stalk me, but I won't be home. I'll be in the Amazon forest. My kids have a different last name. :)
CJ - I left a message on your own blog today.
Leslie in VanCan
Hi CJ
First - definitely – do – not – stop – sharing!!! You are not out of line! Your comments – and your freedom to express them are the reason that I started this Blog. We may not all agree on everything – but we all should have the right … and privilege … to share them openly and honestly. I would have it no other way!
Secondly – there may be things we don’t really want to hear … but I would rather know the truth of another persons experience– and make decisions based on that … than to be in a ‘Dense Fog’ (ha ha – get it?) – and just be floating through life (in ‘la la land’) thinking that everything is perfect. And, sometimes, in the excitement and wonder of a possible adventure … it is easy to get wrapped up in the process – and not really be thinking about ‘the reality’. You have brought many good points to think about … and I, for one, thank you for that. I appreciate your honestly … and for your willingness to share from your experience.
… and Others …
I think Leslie’s approach is wise … and I love your style! And BDNC too! Listen (or not) … nod … smile … too great!!! But, like Dancingirl – I think that you do have to listen to what is said … then trust your instincts and ‘gut’. That is also how I have lived my life. And it does seem a long way from where we are now … to marrying Richard. I suppose I don’t really consider myself a contender … so haven’t allowed myself to think that far off. And then … there is the fact that I haven’t even sent in a video yet (ha ha). And … honestly, I was more worried about what I would wear, if chosen, and how would I pack all of my stuff ‘lightly’ – as I am like a pack mule – always needing two suitcases and two or three smaller bags (not including my purse – which sometimes is a backpack!) … and I even have a bag in my trunk for ‘just in case’ stuff. Packing light is not really my strength. : ) So … marrying Richard. I hadn’t even really gotten that far. But as CJ is saying – it is good to think ahead. And it probably is wise to have thought some of those things through –while our feet are still ‘firmly planted on the ground’. : )
About the Cruise/Oprah thing – CJ, that was a good point about Oprah not paying for everything. I had assumed that as well. I would suspect, with Oprah’s group, she could get almost anything donated that she wanted – because of her status. And, as you say, she has her own charities that she supports. But it is good to know your experience – in advance – and know that we might have to pay up front … and get reimbursed – if we did pursue something like that. I wouldn’t have thought about that.
Also – you make very good points about being careful with our identity. I give only my first name – even when I sent the requested Email to Richard – about being interested in the Alaskan Cruise – I sent from my Hotmail Email address – and only included my first name. When I first started online dating – there were several things that I did – to protect myself. One was to create a Hotmail Email (I actually have two) – that have screen names (ClickGirl and C_Chick). I never give out my real Email – unless I know someone well. I also got a distinctive ring line on my phone – which comes with a separate phone number. That is the number that I give out – when I feel comfortable enough with a person (that number can easily be changed – without losing my number that I have had for 20 years). When (if) I ever call someone – I enter the code # designated by the phone company, then my real # – to hide my true phone number. I never – ever – ever meet anyone that I don’t know - in a private place. Only public places. Only two of the guys that I met online ever saw my home – and that was after lots of communication and dates – and only because I felt extremely comfortable with them. I always sent info to my son (name, phone #, email address) of the person I was meeting – and what my plans were. I have had men get mad at me for being so protective … but I don’t care. If they can’t understand my need to be careful – they are not considerate enough to be in my life.
Having said all of that … I haven’t had a date in nearly two years … don’t have any prospects at the moment … and because I keep holding off on the eHarmony responses ( I’m a bad girl) … and I just haven’t really been ‘out there’ much. Though – at my last event – I did have some little ‘twinge-ings’ of the heart … and did more socializing than usual (because it was a conference for the company I work for – and not clients). There were three guys that I hung out with … so it had me beginning to think that it might be fun to find someone again. : )
About stalking- that is scary. Having not been through it myself, I can’t begin to imagine what that is like, CJ. Is that still ongoing? It sounded like it – and, if so, I wish you strength in dealing with that. Through the years, I have had a couple of guys that I met … not just online … that I worried about a little. So I can understand the need for being cautious. In fact – I kind of opened myself up initially - for ‘weird-os’ – by choosing a sign-on name of C_Chick. I wanted ‘Creative Chick’ – but that was apparently a very popular name – and wasn’t available. So – I thought ‘C’ for Creative was clever (one initial in my name is also ‘C’). Unfortunately, I didn’t realize how many men out there have one-track minds (and ‘dirty’). They thought the ‘C’ meant something else – and I got lots of Emails letting me know what they thought it meant. : ( Needless to say – I don’t use that name often now. : )
Another thing – several people have mentioned on the SB Blog – that anything we write on a Blog is on the www. I didn’t think much about that – because I don’t think I’ve written anything to worry about. But I did a Search for Senior Bachelor the other day – and it brought up a bunch of posts from Vj (the Out of Africa poster). I don’t know why her posts were coming up – but there were several. Yikes! So … I suppose we should keep that in mind.
Klew Ditto!
BDNC - Oh No! Not … The Thong!!!
So … Is all of that too crazy? The Cruise … T-shirts w/Email Addresses … Waving from the Railing??? Maybe just the Cruise?!! : )
Later, Gals.
Brenda
Click Girl
CJ
Where do you see the Blog Police? And will not change my hair color just for a man. I designate you to be our Professional Blog Advisor. OH NO!! I am totally confused... i was posting here and rr's and i forgot who's blogsite i was in..
Yikes! BDNC - I just did the same thing! I was in the process of posting my last message on here - when I read CJ's comment about her post on the SB site. I opened the SB Blog - to check it out. Then - I went back to my word document ... and copied my post - and pasted it into the box. Then realized that I had posted it on SB's site - by mistake. Fortunately, I realized what I had done - and deleted it immediately. Hope I did it quick enough that it was not read ... as the stuff was not intended for everyone on SB ... especially the Blog Police. : )
Anyway - 'Lesson Learned' - don't have two Blogs opened at once. (ha ha)
Later!
Brenda
Click Girl
Clickgirl
You made me laught about your way of backpacking.. i am the same way. I just had a discussion about how big and how many suitcases i can bring for 5 days and my friends laughed at me.
Even my GP would give me heck for carrying such a heavy purse.
Anyway, back to SB Venture, I honestly think that a lot of goods will come out of this. If he is all real, i hope that he chooses the right one and that they'll live happily ever after without the warts. I hope that none of you have regrets at all. And if you think you made a mistake sending a video in, just learn from it and keep smiling.
HA HAH HA HA HA HA Brenda! that was you ..... i got a glimpsed of it! OMG... my tummy hurts so bad from laughing..
Lesson learned and i am smiling....
Question? totally out of thetopic..
are you ready? what is the best way to remove unwanted body hair? :-)made sure i am in the right blogsite,and i know i can ask anything here
CJ-- I am so curious. Would you be willing to reveal why you were on Oprah? It sounds like it was really something amazing!
Have you heard how as we age women take on male characteristics (get hairier, more selfish and tough minded) and men take on female characteristics (get boobs, cry more, lose muscle tone)?
You guys are cracking me up! I am sitting here laughing ... and can't believe how much fun all of this has become. : )
I just came from the SB site - and was getting ready to post on that site - intentionally (ha ha) - about the two Anonymous posters. I had written a great response (if I do say so myself) - to defend CJ ... and all of us - like any of us would really go out and color our hair for Richard. I already color my hair - for me! : )
I was getting so annoyed 'over there' - but decided not to post anything - because I figured it wouldn't go along with Richard's wanting us to be 'civil'. Though I was polite in what I was going to say – but there is a chance that it could have been considered ‘catty’. Anyway - I come back over here ... and just have been laughing since I started catching up. Thank you!! All of you are Great!! : )
And Openheart - thank you for your kind comment. I know that there are men out there who would accept me as I am. I think I just have a hard time accepting me. Or at least some of me. I'm getting there though. (P.S. Thanks to the miracle of Plastic Surgery - I actually am 'bigger' and ‘better’ in some ways - than I was before. And I will never sag - ha ha). I better make sure this gets on the right Blog!
In praise of some men (I really do love men ... just not trying to find 'the right one') - when I was first diagnosed I had a lot of guys that I had been writing to online ... and some I had already gone out with. Some of the guys, I met through other avenues. I wrote or talked to every one of them before my first surgery - and said that I didn't think I would be able to communicate with them again. Looking back - it was almost like I had given myself a death sentence ... and, of course, at that point - I really didn't know what my prognosis was. It was a bit of a 'drastic action' on my part. But - I didn't really know what to expect – and I was fortunate that my prognosis ended up being very good.
Anyway - I basically said 'good-bye' to all of the guys. I can't tell you how touched I was - when I finally was able to sit up and go online again - to see all of the wonderful Emails of concern and support. Almost every one of the guys that I had been in touch with had written - several times. And they continued to call and write ... and make sure I was okay. So ... there are good guys out there. No – great guys! Maybe I should go back and try to find those guys info again (ha ha).
BDNC - So … did my Blog just disappear before your eyes? Because I was really quick! : ) Ha ha ha ha ha I can’t believe that I did that!!
Okay – True Confessions of a Bag Lady!!
I am constantly being teased by my colleagues – about all the ‘stuff’ that I carry around. Each day I carry in and out of work – a ‘file cabinet’ thingy on wheels, my laptop and a backpack – all neatly stacked and easy to roll. Then I have my purse. That is just ‘the basics’. : ) In my work space – we have a really creative space – and I have all kinds of ‘stuff’ there. And people think it is funny. But … whenever anybody needs anything – who do they come to? Me! And they are always saying, 'Brenda will have it'. Because … I have everything. You need a bobby pin, Q-tip, safety pin, moisturizer (even the guys sometimes need this, I’ve found), extra markers … pens … paperclips … extra make-up, perfume, mirror, coffee mugs, gum, candy (I don’t eat it – but it’s there for everyone else) … and other ‘stuff’ – you come to Me! I am the ultimate collector … and pack rat. You would think that I was going away for a week – when I go home at night. When I was in High School – we used to have to do these ‘psychological games’ – where you would have to list three things you would take with you if your house was on fire (not including your family or pets). I had the hardest time with that! I wanted to take everything. I didn’t want to leave anything behind! But … I am actually getting a little bit better. Very little. : )
Thanks for keeping me laughing here! Ya'll are so cool!
Brenda
Click Girl
CJ
Too funny about you not thinking you will be having lunch with Richard now. But - who knows - maybe he will actually realize that what you were saying was valid - and he may accept that you were trying to help. At any rate - veeerrrry interesting about him contacting you, etc. I agree with you (and others) who have commented that this became much bigger than he ever expected - and that he has been overwhelmed by it all.
But since he was on Oprah before - it seems he would have had a small idea of what it would be like - and what kind of 'power' she has behind her. Guess he underestimated the power of The Woman. : )
Re: Online dating ... I was terrified at first. Even with all of my second and third Email addresses and everything - I was even afraid to respond sometimes. Even writing on Message Boards and going to Chat Rooms - at first I was very, very nervous and afraid of being 'known'. I've learned that you can move around fairly anonymously though - but you do have to be careful. And I'm not crazy about Chat Rooms - at all. On being careful - I have slipped a couple of times. The last date that I had (I think I forgot about this date - when I said I hadn't dated in almost two years - which shows how 'non-eventful' it was) - I met this nice British guy for a drink ... and when I got home - he had called to make sure I arrived home safely. I called him back - but forgot to enter that code # that hides your real number. Fortunately - he wasn't a stalker and he is part of that 'he's just not that into you revolution'. (ha ha)
Anyway ... it is all definitely harder now. I think - partly - because I am not wanting/needing it as much ... and because I am pretty happy and content. : )
Oh - and, like Dancingirl, I'd be curious to know about your Oprah experience too - when/if you feel comfortable sharing that. You do look familiar. I record Oprah every day on DVR - and then catch up in the evenings or weekends. (And I can attest to the fact that they are in 're-runs now). But I haven't seen you on there. : )
Take care All!
Brenda
Click Girl
CJ
I knew that was you @ Oprah. But i thought that you would talk about it when you feel it is the right time. and so i remain silent. i wish you the best. We all go thru trials and we survive them. I see you as an intelligent woman with a big heart. And i don't hate you at all!
clickgirl: wow, this blog is a hoot! Here I've been wasting my time on RR's tame blog. I love you all being so candid!
CJ -- thank you for sharing -- of course we don't hate you. I cannot believe you don't know you're beautiful. Just click over here anytime and we will remind you.
Now, here is my question of the day. How many bloggers do we have (maybe say 20 regulars? at the most would you say?) Many bloggettes say they are not applying. SO where did 600 videos come from? Who has been counting them? Are these ladies just not blogging??? Have they no interest/ are they all anonymous? I think there are really only ten of us who actually applied....
Next question. CJ says Oprah / Harpo productions comes back from vacation end of August. Does that not coincide with RR's Chicago dates??? Good golly, that's in 3 weeks.....but that only means it is filmed that day, right? CJ, how long does it take to get broadcast? Around 3 months? If I get an "Oprah" call am I sworn to secrecy?
Online dating --so many stories -- two guys lied about their ages, subtracting 10 years. I caught them both (never mess around with a smart woman). One guy was a university prof so I checked out his curriculum vitae online which said he graduated from college in 1968 -- so I said to him -- "You must be brilliant graduating from college when you were 12 years old!"
My interpretation is that some of the 118 girls who got videos in by the May deadline will be contacted to appear on Oprah by the end of the month. I got mine in, but I have never heard anything (not even an acknowledgement that it was received). I'd say whoever it was (sorry...too much to read back thru here) that got an e-mail from RR saying their stuff would be forwarded to Oprah is "in"!!
Woo-hoo - that's me ! WHat should I wear, Brenda? I want those Oprah stylists to do their magic! Oh god, she's going to ask what has possessed us to do this. Can I say "world peace"?
back again -checking in- glad to see my 'dense fog' description's being enjoyed.
quickly through all the blogs: HOW does anyone have time to read & answer so many thoughts?
bdnc FYI It's UP to you.
how ANYone ever learns an Asian language is beyond me! I've tried CAntonese & Japanese & Okinawan - my good friend is from Naha, O- but NONE of it makes any sense to me.and even if I ever learned to speak it I know I'd never be able to write it!..so good for you on you excellent English...
dancingirl i agree--trust my own good sense, too. i also wonder about all the applicants who don't bother to blog--guess some of us enjoy talking more than others. oh - surely all the entries receive a standard "form" reply.
clickgirl for what it's worth I have a guy friend/cancer survivor who feels as you do about the scars etc--all i gotta say, is I'd feel that way too if i'd got run over by a mack truck! You've got a beautiful soul, gorgeous face, and a determined spirit--which i hope your soul mate finds!
about the early entries & TV
as i recall there was stated "the possibility [p o s s i b i l i t y] of being on TV" [NOT Oprah...i don't think he was actually connected with her at the time] IF the entries were sent in by that hurriedup quick deadline.
klew agree that Elderhostel could be a good way to go...except I've heard they sometimes cram too much stuff into a trip.
PS Eat you hearts out---I can pack for a 2 week trip to anywhere it's not winter with a 10 pound back back. :)
Hi CJ
Thanks so much for sharing that! I knew you looked familiar – and – you are beautiful! I just could not place you. You will not know how ‘meant to be’ it is that we have met through this strange way. And hate you – never! I joke about all of my bags and my being a pack rat … but after watching the Oprah show that you were on – I sent an Email to my two sisters – telling them that I had a problem … and that I realized that my home was not just ‘disorganized’ – but that I had lost control over it.
I used to be so organized and everything had its place. But when I was diagnosed with cancer – everything just changed for me. Over time – I just couldn’t handle everything. I work in an extremely stressful and time consuming job. I often work 12-15 hour days … for weeks on end … and I travel a lot. Sometimes I have 5-6 video projects or events in the works at the same time. After going through Chemo – my energy was zapped. I worked the entire time and worked my Chemo around my work schedule. On top of that – just after my 8th and final time in the hospital (in a year and a half) my youngest son (21 at the time) was called up by the Army National Guard to go to Iraq. That – honestly – was worse than having cancer. I went for 14 months with very little sleep … and in a constant state of fear for Christopher’s life. It was the most difficult thing that I have ever faced.
After all of that - keeping my house in order became a very low priority. My two upstairs bedrooms had become storage (I call them ‘my garage’) ... as I live in a Townhouse – and only have a carport. And everything is just so ‘out of order’. I dream of the way that I want it to be. And I have great plans for reorganizing and renovation. While I was on Chemo – I spent a lot of time watching all of the home improvement shows on HGTV … and I have all kinds of ideas – even have a binder and box with photos and mags with everything that I want to do. But I just can’t seem to make myself do anything.
I haven’t gotten to the extent that you were at … but I knew that if I didn’t do something soon … it might only be a matter of time for me. And it was a wake-up call for me. I don’t have pets – so it is just ‘my mess’. I am convinced that it is a form of depression … and that seemed to be what was discussed on Oprah. For me – I don’t think it is that I want to keep everything that I have (hoarding) – I am just so overwhelmed … and don’t know where to start. And I just want it to be done – I don’t really want to have to do it. And, partly, I am not supposed to lift heavy objects and I am at risk for getting lymphedema – so that is always a concern to me. The very things that I need to do – could create an irreversible health problem for me. I’ve thought of hiring a professional … and maybe that is the best solution for me.
At any rate, I want you to know that I admired you for having the courage to go on Oprah – twice – and to admit that you had a problem … on national television. You helped me … and I feel sure that you helped many others as well. Oprah even said – on the follow-up segment – that she had no idea that there were so many people that were in that same situation – until they had such a huge response to that show. Honestly – I don’t feel like they presented how you got to that place very well. They focused on the clean up effort – but I don’t really think they gave much explanation for what took you to that point. The second show, Oprah did seem a bit more understanding and sympathetic – that it was a problem … and not that you were just ‘a messy person’. I have often thought – that it is easy to be judgmental on those kinds of things – when you have enough money to pay for maids and people to take care of everything for you. I actually could afford to have someone come in to clean – but I would have to reorganize first! (ha ha)
At any rate – I appreciate you sharing … and my heart goes out to you in the loss of your mother. I didn’t lose my son in Iraq – but there were times when we didn’t hear from him for weeks on end … and we knew the kind of danger he was in. I would feel like my heart was going to rip out from worry. I imagine that is just a little bit of the pain that you must feel on a day to day basis.
Your comments about how we see ourselves is so true. I know that I am much harder on myself than anyone else. And it sounds like you are as well. I actually was at a company conference a few weeks ago – and there were three men who showed interest in me. It was the first time, in a long time, that I kind of ‘allowed’ myself to consider that I might be able to be with a man again. And I had a great time. And it stirred up feelings inside of me. It’s not really just the scars that hold me back – because I think I can overcome that. But there were ‘losses’ that will never come back – and will probably affect me – and any kind of sexual relationship I would have. It will, sadly, never be the same for me again. It’s not really something that can be written about like this – but it is the main reason that I haven’t sent in a video … and probably won’t. For some reason, I just don’t think Richard would be accepting of ‘my situation’. But I think there are some men who might be.
On a lighter note – I had to laugh at your description of how you used to lay in bed. I did stuff like that too – in fact, I read that it is very common – and that many women do that. And things like jumping up real quick in the morning – and brushing you teeth and hair – and then jumping back in bed so you look beautiful when they wake up. Oh, for a man to do something like that. Ha ha ha ha And the story about crying when you make love … been there too! I have had – on rare occasion – a man or two who expressed those same emotions. But very rarely.
Well, my friend, I think we have a lot in common. Maybe we can help and support each other from afar. I’ll look forward to getting to know you better … and, again, thank you for your courage and strength!
Warm regards,
Brenda
Click Girl
Hello All!
Sorry for that last very, very, very long Blog of mine! I had to do it! I was CJ’s fault! (ha ha)
Welcome Linda! Glad to have you with us. Yes … we are having a great time over here. No deleting allowed! And we are the ‘Queens of Candid’ here. : ) But – seriously – we do cover just about everything! Glad to have you joining in!
Dancingirl
I love it – ‘World Peace’. Ha ha ha ha
You are so funny!
Oh dear – what to wear on Oprah! Well – we know no white tops! And nothing with thin vertical lines – because they ‘vibrate’ and cause a moray pattern. And bring a couple of choices – because on Oprah today they were showing ‘things that didn’t go right’ – and one of the decorators came in with an orange shirt on – and was redecorating a room with orange walls. So … make sure you have a couple of options – so you won’t blend into the background. Does that help? : )
Yeah – those online guys! I haven’t had too many problems with the age thing … but either guys are shrinking rapidly (in height) – or most of them really, seriously think they are 6’ tall. The last date I went on – he had 6’1" on his profile. And he sounded like he was 6’1". But, in reality, if he was an inch over 5’7” … it would have been a miracle. I am 5’5” – and I had sandals on – with little heels – and we were eye level. I wouldn’t have cared about that – but wonder what other things he might have misrepresented. : )
And Klew … Great idea! We don’t need Richard to have fun! : ) Because Oprah can pay for the trip! : ) I’ll write to her tomorrow! : )
Openheart Good for you – on having a date tonight. : )
Okay – here is a question - about Marginalization
Does anyone remember that Blog about Marginalization – that was on SB? It was deleted … and Richard said he would address that at a later time – which, of course, now he has. I never saw that Blog – and have been curious about what was so controversial that it had to be deleted. I’d be interested to hear what happened with that. I find the Marginalization discussion quite good – so was just puzzled by that.
Thanks for the late night (early morning) grins!
Sleep well,
Brenda
Click Girl
Sorry – one more Blog … before I collapse into bed … or fall asleep where I sit!
Sunny2
Yes – your ‘dense fog’ comment was one of my favorites! Now – since you are bragging - you will have to train CJ and I to pack. (ha ha)
Seriously, sorry to hear about your friend – and thanks for your comment. I appreciate it. There are a lot of us ‘survivors’ out here … trying to sort out how to handle all that ‘stuff’. My post to CJ explains a little more about what I am dealing with – though it can’t all be written. Just too – strange – to write about. : )
Dancingirl I’m still laughing over ‘world peace’. : )
Later All!
Brenda
Click Girl
Adding to what CJ said - the reason they have such great lighting on Oprah - as she, ironically, discussed today - is because they light for 'black people' (her words - not mine) ... and it makes everyone look great.
I knew that they had very specific requirements - because the company that I work for staged the 'Live Your Best Life' event here in Tampa - and we have the best lighting in the city ... and we even had to bring stuff in to meet her requirements. Fortunately, we have some of the best lighting guys in the industry (old rock 'n' roll crew guys) - and they did it perfectly. And our camera guys shot it. Unfortunately, I didn't work that event - but the guys told me all about it - and brought me one of the books.
They had a funny story about Oprah coming in the room where a couple of guys were eating a late lunch ... and Oprah came in and asked what they had in there to eat ... and they said Tacos. So she made a Taco and stood and talked to them. So I always say that I know somebody that met Oprah. : )
Okay - I'm getting punchy. That's all from me tonight (this morning). I promise! : )
Brenda
Click Girl
Brenda-- a Share Your Thoughts Part 2 thread might be in order here -- our poor little scrollers are getting worn out with all this blogging.
@The original RR marginalization blog. The outcry was not about the issue but about the fact that RR was going off on a tangent not related to the Search. RR had been complaining about being OVERWHELMED with ALL the SB emails and mail and details, so many us were afraid that the marginalization stuff would take his focus away. At that point we were all FUMING anyway that he was not answering SB- related questions (which we have since learned are usless to ask).
Let's be real here, RR has managed to be very evasive , not revealing much about what is going on in the process. He sends us off in directions like travel stories, full moons, volleyball and cruises to keep us talking and interested? so he doesn't have to answer questions. Is that being a stubborn Aries?
Thank god, he did see the sense of tabling the marginalization issue for awhile to concentrate on the original SB intention.
Thanks to all for your Oprah info. Stay tuned.
@Online dating.
Rule #1: subtract 2 inches and add 20 pounds from the guy's profile.
Rule #2: To have more control, YOU do the browsing and initiate contact with WHO interests you. I did not post a picture but agreed to email one immediately if a guy reponded to my initial interest and provided a "real" email address (away from the online site).
Rule #3: Do not provide your last name or phone number until you are ready. I have what I call an "information comfort level" I need to reach before agreeing to meet.
Rule #4: The questions I ask is "What does your ex tell her girlfriends was the reason for the divorce?" Since it is not such a direct question, it gets some interesting results like -- "Oh, she probably said I'm really cheap".
CJ
who can forget that so adorable face on TV? All i can say is i'm glad you are here.
That's Right! RR is not promoting anymore. Hey maybe he already got the 6 ladies picked. I'm guessing that he'd pick somebody who will look very good on TV or Magazine, who have travelled a lot and speaks at least 2 languages and a "yes" person. I am just guessing.
World Peace answer sounds good to me!
World Peace CAN begin with world travel (or so said Conrad Hilton).
HA...............
Whoops -- who spilled the email beans on the SB site! Uh-oh! Not me! No naughty mat for me!
Hello Ladies,
From Myriam,
I still have to figure out how not to be anonymous!!
I just finished reading ALL messages. It is so cool to be able to express ourselves freely. Thanks Brenda.
Ditto for me, I give lots of hugs but I love that little extra appendice that women don't have.
YOu look great Brenda. I have a problem remembering names so I'll have to start a list.
I don't remember RR saying that he was friend with his ex. I am with mine and I am taking my daughter's 9 years old sister (she refuses to call her her stepsister)to visit the museum in DC tomorrow.
THanks for all the legal advice. Don't stop CJ. I remember seeing the show too. I thought it was very brave of you to go on the show. I've seen other shows like the one with the lady living in the New York sewage and I can't help but wonder if the method I am using could help her and all the others I've seen.
If anone is interested my website is www.MyriamEnergy.com
Since I've read People, I go back and forth between yes a video, not!
I, too, like my independence, but would like a partner to share my thoughts, feelings, etc. Part of me would be excited to go on Oprah and part of me would want to hide behing the sofa!! Which part is going to win??? I always follow my intuition but my intuition is on a collision course with my left brain!!!! right now.
The control issue is the first thing I picked up in the video but it was 10 years ago, hopefully he will have grown. He seems to be a sensitive man. Would the real RR, please stand up???
I sure hope we will stay in touch after all is said and one, RR wise!
Good night ladies, it is past my bedtime. I had to read all the messages!!!
Myriam
Hi All
Please pop up to the first Blog ... and continue your posts there. Don't want anyone getting 'scrollitis'. : )
Thanks much!
Brenda
Click Girl
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